|
|
Ayame's Note:Written between two and four in the morning, while waiting for my Naruto to download. I don't think it's very good, and it's kinda all over the place, but I hadn't seen something like this before, and Yohko was telling me how cool he was, so I guess he kinda got in my head.
Disclaimer: Nope. Gai-sensei is not mine.
There is a certain desire to trivialize the odd man in the silly green suit. Those who give in to this compulsion are caught off-guard. Sometimes I wonder if that isn't why I wear it, rather than to remain youthful. Or maybe being unusual keeps me youthful. I don't know.
I have barely learnt to read others, as a necessity of profession; I have never been able to read myself. One moment, I think I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it; the next, I have absolutely no idea what I could have been thinking.
My thoughts are like leaves in the wind today....why can't I stay focused?
Here comes Lee...I wonder what he's up to. I try to treat all of my students as if they were my own children, but he seems to have taken that a bit far. I'm afraid he thinks of me as more than a father. That could definitely cause problems. Or, perhaps it already has.
Maybe, like everyone else, I've trivialized the man in the green suit. For Lee has truly become a man, now. Perhaps it is time I speak with him about his apparent obsession with being just like me. It isn't healthy, especially not at his age.
Thinking back on my own childhood, it definitely isn't healthy. I was forced to give up my childish imitation long before I became a ninja. Oh, not forced by the person; forced by the world around me. He was not a respectable person; he could not stand to be idolized, but at the same time, could not bear to disabuse a mere child of his notions.
It was my mother who took my idol away from me. 'Leave him be, Gai-chan! He's a bad man!' she would say. And, child that I was, I began to listen. Not only to listen, but to hear. To hear all the things villagers said about him behind his back.
Thinks like, '..sadistic nutter' and 'dangerous bastard.'
For a while, I was able to deny it, with my youthful stubborness. Then I went to see him, one day. He himself told me that I was old enough to know; he was not a good person, and was not proud of it.
But still, in a sense, he is the one that has made me who I am today. He told me never to give up, never to compromise my morals to save my skin. That it was better to be dead. And I carry those words in my heart to this day.
As I hope, some day, my students will carry my words in their hearts as well.
I almost feel like a father. I've tried to teach them to be good shinobi. Now, I can only hope they stick to it.
And that they've learnt never to underestimate the man in the silly green suit.